January 7, 2009
Today I decided that I would attempt to regularly journal my journey of "following The Master." Some of you know Him...some very well, and some-sad to say...only vaguely.
It is my heart's desire that my life would be lived in such a way, that others could and would grow closer to Him because I have chosen to share of His goodness, grace, and mercy.
You could say in this brand new year, I have decided to "follow The Leader" in a more intimate and personal way than ever before. I want to mean business when I say this Leader is the most important being in my life, and I want it to be evident.
I know this journey will take me to places that I did not anticipate to go.
I know this journey will cause me some pain.
This journey, will cause me great happiness.
This journey, will fulfill me in ways I never knew possible.
This journey, will heal me in ways I cannot begin to fathom.
But-this journey will have many hills to climb, valleys to pass through, rivers that seem too wide, and a few coastings down-hill here and there- rest for the weary soul. Ahhhh. Just what I need.
ALL that I need, will be in this journey.
I have been in the most recent past, guilty of saying that I want to see revival. Guilty, of begging God to bring the needed change...guilty of asking for things I had no right to ask. Guilty, because I had been wallowing in hidden sin. Sin only I knew about. The sin of slothfulness. The sin of sleep. Spiritual sleep. I had been over the past year, allowing Satan to lull me to a pleasant little slumber...while he whittled away at my life a little at a time. I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was too well-coated in the miry muck of iniquity.
Ever get tired of being sick and tired? And, of YOURSELF? I know I was, when God showed me what position I was in.
This past Sunday, while in Sunday School, I was listening to the message (but I had allowed myself to go into Never-Never Land on many occasions before while the message was being taught). This Sunday was different. I was not just hearing, I was actually listening...and almost proud of myself for being able to focus, for once. Sad, but true.
All of the sudden, I heard audibly in my own ears, "WAKE UP, O SLEEPER!" I looked around...no one else in the room heard what I just heard. So, I took it as the Holy Spirit telling me that I needed to look up some verses that correspond with that phrase that just rang in my ears. I was after all, singing a special this morning in the a.m. services, and "maybe He wanted me to say something to the people out there before I sang!" Yeah....
A couple of verses in particular stood out, slapped me in the face, and convicted me. The first was from Ephesians 5:14:
"Wherefore He sayeth, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light."
Then, there was Romans 13:11:
"And that, knowing the time, that now it is HIGH TIME to awake out of sleep:for now is our salvation nearer than we believed."
I knew I must share this, but not certain as to how. I asked God for Psa. 19:14- to "be the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart" ...to be acceptable in His sight.
I had come to realize that I, indeed, had been asleep most of the past YEAR. I was not only fooling myself, but many others that I had it together. I had to repent. This had been standing between me and the Lord...my much sleeping away "His light that needed to get out." I had placed him in the darkness of my sleep. Oh, how ashamed I suddenly felt; to place The ONE who gave His own life for me to set me free from an eternal damnation, into a dark corner inside of me...oh the shame. As if He didn't suffer enough on the cross.
Oh, the grace that God gives. The mercy, it abounds. He uses us, in SPITE of us sometimes-praise His name! Hard telling, how many opportunities that I let pass right by me, because I was asleep in my soul. I was not being found busy about my Father's business...not like He wanted me to. Not to the magnitude that He deserves. How pathetic.
God, forgive me, truly and wholly.
This year, I am resolving to WAKE UP. I want to KNOW HIM, much more intimately than I ever did before. I believe this is His WILL. It is His will for us ALL to come to know Him more.
James 4:8 KJV
Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
Psalms 51:10 KJV
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever . Amen.
My prayer in this new year-is that I would gain a greater knowledge of the true Leadership of the One and Only...to be led SOLEY by the power of the Holy Spirit and that He would change me in ways that create a situation and new life that I can't even begin to explain...you know...a "God-thing." I WANT to be among the "peculiar people."
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:
May God show many more the very same condition that He hath shown me, in the days to come.
I love Him more and more, and He is most worthy.
What a Father.
What a Friend.
What a Savior.
What a Leader!!!!!!!!
Join me in following him in 2010!!!! Mean business before the Lord...
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